A Heart for God

His Exceptions – laura vanbukirk

I’m ready to move on Dear Lord, to follow the path I’ve avoided for so long

Wincing at the consequences of choices and people I had wronged

But deep down my heart always turned to you, in the darkest depths of my despair

Though I knew I lacked perfection, I was torn feeling that you were unfair

And I didn’t want to care, no I tried to not care.

The eyes see things the mind distorts, and I’m blinded by a burning wall

With every joint aching inside, I was fearful of giving you my all

I had to throw away who I once was, immersing into the waters of redemption

For a new life of love and hope, ridding my heart of pride and contention

Realizing I was an exception, we are all an exception.

If there is a God, why does he allow us to suffer?

On my run today with Josh, we got onto the subject of God and how difficult it can be to answer questions to those who may not believe in him. We came up with the all-time favorite question, if God is almighty and loving why does he let us suffer? To someone who may have bitter feelings, suffering doesn't seem like something an "all-loving" God would do. But Josh said he had heard someone explain it once that opened his eyes (as did mine).

My niece Addyson looking out into the backyard...

You ask an individual, "Who controls you?"... of course you do. And what about the actions and decisions you make, does anyone force you to make them? The answer is no... we choose whatever actions we make. So, to undo a killer murdering a family member would be taking away his right to free agency. The killer chose to do that, not God, and God cannot force us to choose certain things just like he cannot force us to love him. Suffering will occur because man is sinful; but we have been blessed by God to have free agency, a mind, a conscience, to do what we personally want. Many times people do not realize the ripple effects of a personal choice and how it can have a profound affect on those around them. Before pointing a finger at God and complaining "Why did you do this?!?" First look at yourself and what you have been doing.  9-11 occured at the Twin Towers because men chose to follow through with a horrofic plan. That was just an example of how it makes no sense to blame God for all wrong-doings and misfortune.

But there is another reason as to why we suffer, which is we are all sinners, and since the fall of Adam & Eve, we have faced sorrow and death (due to partaking of the forbidden fruit  that gave us free agency and the ability to think). In Romans 3:23 it says "all have sinned and fall short of the  glory of God." As Christians we need to realize suffering is part of chastising. God even states that as a father he is supposed to discipline us. In Hebrews 12:6-8: "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons." Just like our earthly fathers, we are grounded and lectured in order to hopefully stick to the straight and narrow path of righteousness. As a Christain, I need to realize that I am not necessarily being punished but more like reprimanded because I still falter and sin. We have a choice to make better with what comes at us and I would rather move forward with God than go alone.

I'm Guilty

I'm Guilty

-laura vanbuskirk

God please answer me this, it's not some trick


I want to know when I'll stop feeling so sick


Of this world it suffocates my heart,


Squeezing until it silently falls apart.


What do I say to these feelings so opposed?


These routines happen so quickly no one knows


God open my eyes, for I a completely yours, I am yours.


So I'm calling out again for your grace

To shower me with love and slowly erase

This guilt that pulls me away from your mercy

And uplifts me from this haunting disgrace

It's a haunting disgrace and I alone cannot face.

Not alone Lord, not without your grace.

Yes I know what it takes to change but I'm not ready


I'll put you on hold while I talk to my friends steadily.


I'll ask for help and pray when I'm depressed and sad


Yet I know your watching and have every right to be mad


And we all do this, it's a never-ending cycle every day


How can we change when it's so hard to follow your way?


These bodies we borrow desire worldly sins to live


But our soul is nothing without the Lord's death he did give


So I'm calling out again for your grace

To shower me with love and slowly erase

This guilt that pulls me away from your mercy

And uplifts me from this haunting disgrace

It's a haunting disgrace and I alone cannot face.

Not alone Lord, not without your grace.

I'm crying out to you oh God, How I love you


But I'm guilty of not living for you


When I know its what I should do

Past Regrets

Past Regrets:

                         Something I wrote my first year at college>>> I miss writing poetry...

"10th Grade Isn't Love.."

 -laura vanbuskirk

I hope those stains forever remain

Reminding you of the nagging pain

You so solemnly put me through

Without a second glance you knew

That my heart would soon break

It kills me knowing you were a mistake

I guess those college girls were sweet

Nothing that I couldn't meet

Instead I'll pray that you get it back

Slowly over and over again I hack

The axe strangles your voice

Straight to the heart and mind

Ears ringing, your teeth slowly grind

I'll rip out your eyes so you can see

The lying and cheating you did to me

The phone won't save you now

And you will never know how

I got over you, first love is unreal

Just a stupid dream you feel

I'm glad I found out you were a liar

You helped me burn your own fire

I still hear you say "I Love You"

But it's in the grave, just like you.