When Emalee Goes...

I found this poem yesterday when going through old files. It stirred my heart remembering when I wrote it in 2006. I kept having a bad dream about Emalee passing and for some reason this poem helped comfort me back then. I know the Lord is with her now and though I am happy for that, I still miss her presence. She was a huge reason why I wanted to be a mother so badly. Taking care of her was not a chore, it was enlightening. I found it fun and interesting. I'll never forget my most memorable moments with her. I was the first to hold her, I even had the opportunity to cut her umbilical cord (she was an at-home birth). In 4th grade when we had show-and-tell, instead of bringing a cool new toy or pet, I brought my sister Emalee. I thought she was so precious and special because she still looked like a baby and we had to care for her as if she was one too.

[My dad dancing with Emalee at my wedding]

When she and I shared a room sometimes I would sneak into her crib at night and sing to her, or just snuggle. It's not like she could fight me on it. I would talk to her, like everyone did, knowing that my secrets were safe with her. But going off to college was difficult for me, I missed her and my siblings terribly. Some siblings fight and hate each other, well we sure fought, but I did not hate my siblings. I loved them. They were my best friends, my confidants, the people I would go to when I felt there was no one else (aside from Josh my hubby and Tracy). My heart was saddened on her passing, because I was not there to give my little sister one last kiss, one last hug, one last holding, one last song to sing her to sleep. And though you try to not let it get to you, those feelings of regret creep in at times. As I am sure many people feel when someone passes so suddenly. Those are the times when the Lord comforts me, I'll hear a song on the radio or laugh at something we once shared. My sister may have left, but what she left behind was a promise, to see her again. With grace and love, our family was blessed to have an incredible spirit like Emalee in our lives.

[My mom holding Emalee at my wedding]

When Emalee Goes      by Laura Van Buskirk

I’m going on a trip dear Mom to see the Lord my friend

He says I’ll be able to walk again, that there will be no end

I’m going for a little while to give someone special a hand

He says I’ll be able to sing again, maybe I’ll be in his band

I’m going brother and sister, I promise I don’t hurt because He’s here

He says I’ll be able to see again, I’ll go swimming with no fear!

I'll be able to come and watch over you all from where I'll be

Sight and sound, all things new, in beauty and light I will see

I’m going somewhere new dear friends, don’t be sad for me up there

He says I will dance and play, I will frolic around without a care

When you come I will perform a show for you all and you will know

I always loved you without saying a word, even though I had to go

I’m going to some place called Heaven, dear Dad that is very far away

He says I’ll be able to feel your love, no matter the distance or time of day

God said love is all around and it is what made me perfect to be with Him,

But only through Jesus Christ could this be done; Open your heart, please let Him in.